April 2, 2016
March 25th was the big 21 birthday and I didn’t have a single drop of alcohol. Not because I abstain but because it’s been forbidden for at least the next 9 months. Yep. This year, I’m becoming a mom and it is the most happiest and most terrifying feeling to have.
I remember feeling extremely exhausted and more bloated than normal. Given the fact I don’t experience cramps, I was a bit thrown off but just figured it was because I was late a few days. Not a huge deal for me because I’m generally really light. Monday, March 14th I had two pregnancy tests I picked up from Harris Teeter over my lunch break because it had been 6 days and I just had this feeling.
What place more appropriate than CSD Krav Maga to take my test. Alex and I had our first kiss in the parking lot there. Countless moments of training there together and spending most of last 3 years there makes it a special place for me. Luckily for me, the 5:30 class had gone outside so the studio was deserted. I locked myself in the bathroom and shakily unpackaged the test. I was terrified. Mostly because I wasn’t sure what to do if it turned out positive and I didn’t want the crushing disappointment of if it came negative. I honestly just stared at it when the faint cross came through. Shit. Life just got real.
I ran outside and just walked the roads out behind the highway, shocked and lost in thought. I prayed for a healthy baby. And I tried to wrap my mind around what to do next. Praise God, my church has been so supportive and encouraging. Ashley, my roommate, is the absolute best and helped me move, prayed for me telling Alex, and just been like another sister to me.
Telling him felt like a huge challenge and yet completely natural at the same time. I was terrified but felt reassured. I knew Alex would love his child and protect it. And I knew he loved me. The insane peace I feel hasn’t left me since that Monday that test came out positive. Struggling through the ups and downs of the following weeks was exhausting but that peace never left. There are still big hurdles to overcome. But Alex has never left my side. And together, we’re about to face the biggest challenge of our lives: parenthood.
The baby is officially code named, Quasi. Don’t ask, Alex named it and its stuck for now. Thursday morning, we went to the OBGYN and I had my first ultrasound and physical for baby O. We got to hear the heartbeat! Honestly the whole appointment felt unreal. This is really happening, I have a baby inside me and a loving man at my side. Alex asked more questions than me during the whole visit, and held my hand while I squirmed during bloodwork despite wonderful job the Mexican nurse did at entertaining us while she drew my blood. Luckily I think I only have go through that one more scheduled time. [I think.]
So far, Alex and I are just working on getting a life plan together for this year including moving, sharing the good news, working out everything with work and krav, and enjoying this amazing time together. I could never imagine doing this without him or with anyone else. I feel like Baby O is my redemption in a way, I feel more like myself again. I feel the drive and purpose in life again. And of course I’m excited for baby snuggles. Life is hard, enjoy the little moments.